A Story of Identity

Recently I sent out a survey with two short questions:

1. Using 3-5 descriptive words describe the qualities of a person you admire.

2. Using 3-5 descriptive words, how do you describe yourself?

I am working on a project and needed some descriptive words. I also wanted to see what kind of descriptive words people use to describe themselves when the answer is written and anonymous. I was curious to see which word would be used the most and I wondered how many not so positive words would be used.

Results:

I found the results to be very interesting …

Out of 65 descriptive words only 8 words were what you would call not so positive. I found this fascinating because very seldom do I hear people using positive words to describe themselves, yet in writing there was a flow of positive words.

I also found it really interesting that in almost every answer at least one descriptive word used to describe an admired person was also used by the individual answering to describe them selves. And again in the majority of these answers two identical words were used to describe both the individual and the admired person.

The top 6 descriptive words in order were Honest, Courageous, Happy, Genuine, Loyal & Kind.

Conclusion:

What I gained from this personally was the realisation that people can see their strengths and they are able to recognise those strengths in someone they admire. I can’t help wondering if this is a subconscious recognition or whether the majority of people were aware that they have the same strengths or positive qualities of the people they admire?

Continue reading “Honest & Courageous” »

It seems to me that everyone is keeping themselves very busy these days. Has the world got busier? Are we trying to fill up our days with activities? Are we making sure that we don’t have a spare moment to reflect?

I wonder, when was the last time you felt bored? Do you remember what being bored felt like? Did you have a need to fill the boredom gap? Did you feel a moment of panic or was it peaceful?

Boredom – a space where there is an opportunity to spend time with ourselves …

When we meet someone for the first time it can feel a bit awkward. We spend time asking the person questions and trying to get to know them a bit better. As we get to know them a bit more they become more interesting. We discover things we like about them and things we are not so keen on. Imagine how awkward it would be if we just sat there and didn’t talk to the other person, if instead we tried desperately to find something to occupy ourselves with. That is often what we do to ourselves when we are alone; we occupy ourselves rather than taking the time to get to know who we are.

In a peaceful moment instead of trying to get to know ourselves we distract ourselves with activities. Instead of just being we occupy ourselves to avoid just being.

Who are we afraid to meet on the other side of boredom?

I personally feel that on the other side of boredom is a peaceful space where we can be comfortable within ourselves. A space where we can take the time to get to know ourselves, a space to accept ourselves and a space to actually like who we are.

We can’t get to know who we are  if we don’t stop for a while, take a moment to sit down, ask ourselves questions and allow ourselves to just be.

Are you curious to know what is on the other side of boredom? Stop being so active for a few days and see what unfolds …

A Story of Identity is a website devoted to identity who we think we are, who we want to be, the identity attached to our jobs or business, our spiritual identity, the roles we play and how we believe others perceive us.

How it all began … Not so long ago, in a moment of low self-esteem, I was feeling fat and short and I complained about it all weekend to a friend. I then went on to tell her that I considered myself vicious at times. My friend laughed, looked at me and said in a humorous manner “Yes you are  … Vicious, Fat and Short!” I had to laugh as I realised that I had actually put that absurd label on myself  and I understood in that moment how distorted a picture I had of myself. That is where this idea arose. …

I began to think back on all the times when I had labelled myself as a certain identity only to have my perception crushed and to then start all over again. As the years have gone by the labels have begun to wear thin with my realisations that I was giving myself a lot to live up or down to.

As a child I lived a small portion of my life in hospital and I found it difficult to fit in with others on my return to school. I spent my teenage years as a Third Culture Kid and I found it difficult to find a place to call home in my later years. I spent my married life in a country with a different culture to my own. I tried desperately in all these places to fit in and adapt. I tried to be the relaxed teenager who didn’t care what anyone thought. I tried to be the wife and mother I thought I should be and I tried to adapt myself to all my various situations while keeping a smile on my face.

During my divorce a few years ago, while living overseas, I felt I no longer had a sense of who I was or where I belonged and as a result I was completely lost. I tried moving around to find a place that I could adapt too and feel comfortable in but it didn’t really work.

Continue reading “A Story of Identity … What is V.F and S?” »